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      deep thoughts for your monday

3/2/2015

2 Comments

 
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"Mommy and Daddy getting married" her version vs mine
“Mommy, I need to draw.”

“We can’t draw right now because we are driving home from preschool.  You can draw when we get home in a few minutes.”

“I caaaaannn’t wait that long.”

This is a conversation I had with my 4 year old daughter last week. Even though I snickered at her ridiculous remark, I later realized that she put into words exactly what I feel as a creative—I must create, or die. That will sound like a strong statement to non-creatives, like my husband, but it is true! I can’t explain why I have that feeling, I just know it’s there. Which leads me to a creative crisis…

1.       I need to draw/design/create

2.       I’m a mother of young kids and my time is limited

How do I balance this?  When I spend time with Citrus and Mint, I feel guilty like I am neglecting my most important role as wife and mother. But when I don’t spend time with Citrus and Mint, I feel unfulfilled. I got permission to share some excerpts from the letter that my friend Whitney wrote to me.  It was so relieving to hear that someone else has struggled with the same issues.

"When I picture myself as a loving mother who provides for her children and also sets boundaries to claim some things for herself- to say "these are the things that fulfill me"- I see a much more balanced version of myself. Sometimes our culture sets an expectation that we be consumed by our motherhood. I've found a lot more breathing room and peace by accepting that I am a mother, yes, but not only a mother. I am a person, an artist, a being who needs to be challenged, to continue learning. When I allow myself to accept these things and release the guilt that I'm not spending every waking moment focused on my children I feel happier, more balanced, I feel like a better mother. I am giving myself permission to pursue dreams and I think that's a powerful example to children. If I existed only for them, what a skewed view of the world they would have, and what a limiting role I would leave for them to inherit."

(Whitney, please grant me some of your eloquence in writing)

I haven't answered the balance question yet. I believe that the answer will be different to each person, which makes it harder to figure out. But I have made an important step in the right direction--I recognize and accept that being a creator is part of who I am and that is okay. I cannot and should not suppress it.

2 Comments
Susan
3/2/2015 08:09:43 am

I absolutely agree. I've known some people that believe that motherhood means that you put everything else on hold until "later" but I always find myself wondering what their "later" looks like. How do you resurrect talents and interests that have been dormant for decades? I love how your friend used the word 'limiting' because I think that's exactly what that type of approach does. It limits us, it limits our ability to mother, it limits our children. That said, I do not think it's possible to do everything all at once. I think motherhood is a time intensive role that deserves a high place of importance in our lives. There are sacrifices I've had to make in my own life - things I wish I could do right now but realize it isn't realistic while being home with young children. But there are so many things that I CAN do right now. Talents to improve. New skills to acquire. It's all about that balance, right? A constant battle for all of us, I think. Balancing our precious time, the needs of those that depend on us, and the needs of ourselves. Though I don't create in the same sense that you do, I find myself infinitely happier when I'm doing something that challenges me or brings me fulfillment. Thanks for the blog post. A good reminder to us all!

Reply
Rachel
3/3/2015 11:51:34 pm

Thanks Susan! I totally agree. I love that you mention the new skills and talents that we can acquire now as mothers. I've never really thought of it that way. And just because you don't draw doesn't mean you aren't a creator! You are certainly a creative type!

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    Hi! I'm Rachel and welcome to Citrus and Mint! Here you will find unique hand drawn illustrations for yourself or  someone you love.

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